1.  621

     

    (Source: iwilltrustinyou, via blackandwhite-days)

     

  2.  57665

     

    My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god

    1. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
    2. When chemists die, they barium.
    3. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
    4. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
    5. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
    6. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
    7. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
    8. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
    9. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
    10. We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
    11. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
    12. Broken pencils are pointless.
    13. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
    14. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
    15. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
    16. All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
    17. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
    18. Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
    19. A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
    20. The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
    21. Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
     

  3.  27451

     
    ALL THE TIME, YES.

    ALL THE TIME, YES.

    (Source: synodik, via thbrokensmil-e)

     

  4.  57857

     
    coralleighh: Awe <3 His tumblr is http://www.imdylanbarker.com/ Follow him (:

    coralleighh:

    Awe <3

    His tumblr is http://www.imdylanbarker.com/

    Follow him (:

    (via wickedmonkeys)

     

  5.  48775

     

    A dramatic Shakespearean response to every situation

    1. When something bad happens: True is it that we have seen better days.
    2. When something REALLY bad happens: O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!
    3. When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so: The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
    4. When my girlfriend abandons me for food: FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
    5. When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them: BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!
    6. When I burn something while cooking: MY CAKE IS DOUGH!
    7. When human stupidity frustrates me: LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!
    8. When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins: NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.
    9. When I'm broke: My pride fell with my fortunes
    10. When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues: OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!
    11. When someone disagrees with me: THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.
    12. When I argue with my girlfriend: The course of true love never did run smooth.
    13. When I'm embarrassed: MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!
    14. Someone says "Good Night": Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
     

  6.  11

     
    insteadofgoodbye: Wow, this is very true.

    insteadofgoodbye:

    Wow, this is very true.

    (Source: k-l-tee)

     

  7.  28100

     

    (Source: n0-h8-m8, via thbrokensmil-e)

     

  8.  1772

     

    delise:

    “Its the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing someday is today, and then someday is yesterday. And this is your life”

    “If you had a friend you knew you would never see again, what would you say? If you could do one last thing for some one you love what would it be? Say it. Do it. Don’t wait, nothing lasts forever.”

    (Source: itsjustmerlin)

     

  9.  257

     
    audioprayer: unafraidunashamed: kvcshutterbug: Why is this so funny to me? hipster baby names hehe some people i know are officially hipsters by name!

    audioprayer:

    unafraidunashamed:

    kvcshutterbug:

    Why is this so funny to me?

    hipster baby names

    hehe some people i know are officially hipsters by name!

    (Source: kelseyfindingbeauty)

     

  10.  44891

     

    (Source: joecatholic, via timelessfaith)